I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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