my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
