Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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