They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
