I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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