Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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