so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
