new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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