Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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