Do you still have your period?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
