Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
