he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
