You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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