I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
