it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
