This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize