he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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