is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
