I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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