He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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