I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
