What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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