I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
