why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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