Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we're making bets on your personal life
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
