I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
