Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
