Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
