I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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