How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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