if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Buhtt sex?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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