Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
