my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
