He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
one might say we're banned from that church
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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