I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
