I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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