Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize