like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
