any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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