your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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