ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
