He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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