I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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