How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
