Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
