sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
