i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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