I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
