Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
