New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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