i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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