Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
