dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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