my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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