I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
