and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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