Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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