I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
