i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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