as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
