he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
