I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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