i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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