The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
