ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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