My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
