Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
