I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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