i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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