shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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