Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize