how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
