HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
