hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
