How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
