I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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