I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
