If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
