pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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