Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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