He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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